wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
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She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
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Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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