her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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