is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Randomize
