We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
