there's paper in my vomit.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Randomize
