Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
