do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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