see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Randomize
