Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
