champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
