i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Swine flu is the new snow day.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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