i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I understand Curling. That high.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
