Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
