I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize