Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
