Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
