I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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