i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
