At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
