After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
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I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
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I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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