Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
