It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize