This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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