i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want you more than these girls want KFC
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize