so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
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