ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize