i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
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I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
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We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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