Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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