When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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