If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
