One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
