can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
