Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
