everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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