Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You've changed since you got that strap on
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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