My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
