dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
