well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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