I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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