If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
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