but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
