would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
