talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
