I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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