I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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