So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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