I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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