i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
