so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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