The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
