i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Did I show you my penis last night?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
