I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
