Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Randomize
