So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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