Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
