very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
