THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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