i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
