You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
