now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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