What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
you inspire me to be a worse person
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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