singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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